The last several months have had lots of ups and downs. Some weeks I feel really good about what we are doing and how Jessica is improving. Other weeks I feel really down about what we are doing and how much further Jessica still has to go. Recently I've noticed a trend. The weeks that I feel really good are also the weeks when one of our therapists is really pleased with Jessica's progress or someone says something about how much progress Jessica has made or my mother-in-law says that Jessica is really lucky to have me as her mom because I know how to help her because I am a lot the same way. The weeks I feel really down are the weeks that her doctor starts talking about Aspergers (again) or a therapist asks what we plan to do about schooling or a friend hints that she might be autistic or we get strange looks while at the grocery store or someone says "Well, you just need to do ___" (as if I am not doing enough already or somehow it's my fault she is delayed).
I clipped this out of one of John's Sunday School papers, and I keep it laminated on my fridge:
Have you ever thought about the fact that God chose you to be the parent of your child? He knew exactly what your child needed in a parent, and He chose you. He knows your strengths, your weaknesses, and your amazing capacity to love. And, He gave you this baby. But, He didn't give you this baby and walk away. He is there -- every minute of every day -- guiding you through this parenting journey. He has a story of love and redemption to tell your child through you. He wants your precious baby to know that their Heavenly Father is there to help them, just like He's there to help you -- every step of the way.
Some days it is hard to remember that despite all of the negatives I might hear, God has a plan, and He is with us every step of the way. Last week was great. This week was tough. Here's hoping next week will be one of the great ones...